Between Ogden Brook and Chew Hurdles.
I cycle a lot these days. I don’t use a car. But that’s fine because I enjoy the cycling, the freedom it gives me, away from people, and with my thoughts. Cycling and thinking are good things, but only really works on a simple and straight route like a bridleway. But then again a more tricky route can give a break from thinking and let the subconscious kick in.
I’d recommend it.
I’ve started running again and as a number know, I am predominately a trail and fell runner. Originally an all round outdoor type, ending up in mountain biking. I think about running in the hills. It is where I can be alone, with my thoughts, with the scenery I run through, without people to distract me.
People can be very distracting.
I ran yesterday 18.82 miles. Not 19, not 18. Just a number and that’s all that counts for me these days. In the old days I would have rounded it up to 19. Why? I have OCD, or just plain showing off for others. I don’t do this anymore. People call it a paradigm shift.
Out of all of these it is the running or to be precise the fell running (mountain running) that I have fallen in love with, but I have to work to get back into all after not really running properly since May 2023 and before COVID. Tricky times but what has helped has been a shift in how I value things withing my life, choices I can make, and not worrying about emulating others.
I am soon to be 53 in September and back into the running, and taking it gradually. I really, really want to have a crack at the BG Round and this me determined enough. A lot of life I now realise is about action. We can take a long time planning and of thinking what to do, but not doing. Procrastination, which is fear of something, holds us back. I know it has held me back. And if I analyse this with new learning understand this fear is not of failure per se but of not being good enough before others, and this is fed from feelings of worthlessness, of wanting to people please, be good enough. Funny that. In unravelling, through knowledge of self. I am left with fear of self stopping running as I won’t be good enough in front of others, and at its pinnacle when racing.
And this is a shame. Suspicion of self are those basement beliefs that hold us back. Moments from the past that govern us now.
But I know this now and can take action. If you look to the Johari Window and flip it slightly I have shifted from unconscious fear to conscious fear. I am aware of my history, its impact on me, and of how I can take action.
Increasing Your Self-Awareness: The Johari Window - Enrique Rubio - LinkedIn
And my action is to be me, act in the moment, without fear of what others may think, or not think. To look to me AND what I want to do in the moment, or where I have planned the moment.
If I want to fell run, then I do that and don’t need the permission, approval, or sanction of others. Why ought I fear comparison to others for in doing that, i now realise, I reject self.
And I not longer reject who I am.