Peter Cobley

3 First Aid Courses in a Row

I recently had the opportunity to attend and pass what I now realise are important first aid courses created by the wonderful Millie’s Trust. Now I don’t propose to talk about Millie’s Trust here and see my separate post. I more wanted to talk as to the importance of first aid courses.

One of the handy course booklets.

The last time I did a first aid course was when I was in my teens as a Venture Scout at a church in Wilmslow?!?!? Bearing in mind I am 53 years old in September that was, well, a while back. And back then cassettes were still in use, as were cassette Walkmans. For younger people, use Wikipedia for a definition.

The interesting thing is that I did remember a lot, well the basics from the first aid course that stuck with me over the years, though a lot was forgotten; though with the power of the Web you are now able to look up first aid or specifics such as bandaging.

Point is, I cannot emphasise how interesting I found the first aid courses, what I learnt, of how (God forbid) useful they will be for me. It is June now and over this month and May I completed three courses, acquiring the relevant qualifications.

First was the Mental Health First Aid course and an absolute must for the volunteering work I do at ANEW, CGL, and OCD Action.

Second was the Paediatric First Aid course, and whilst I do not have kids, I found this so important as a lot of principles apply across all age groups and meant that when completing my last course was able to both cement and build upon first aid knowledge.

Third and last was Emergency First Aid. Very useful indeed for life in general including work.

For me all of this is so important with my being an outdoor type who can easily come to mischief or see others doing the same when fell running, cycling, or outdoor swimming. And qualifications are valid for 3 years, but ultimately your learning goes beyond that. It is so, so important to have this knowledge as it does save lives and can also protect yourself when involved in extreme sports. Do, do look up why Millie’s Trust came about, what it does, and why you should look at its courses.

Here are a couple of videos from the Emergency First Aid course delivered by one of the founders of Millie’s Trust, Dan Thompson.

NOTES:

For younger readers, this is a cassette and this is a Walkman.

Loyalty: noun 1. the quality of being loyal.

The whole point of loyalty was not to change: stick with those who stuck with you

Larry McMurtry

When I set up the Overture office back in 2003 in Manchester I got to know Doctor Net, to become Doc Net, and now Venditan; and John Coyne and Chris Maule.

In years past since then it has been quite sad that both John and Chris no longer countenance contact with me. Well in fact, Chris has not returned messages. John sporadic.

I am saddened after the years and what I brought to them.

On setting up the Overture office in Manchester (before Yahoo! acquisition) I needed office space and rented a room from them in Pleer House attached to the Corn Exchange in Manchester. Income was generated for them. At the time Overture ran a reseller programme. Very simply a digital agency could become a re-seller and in introducing clients to the Overture model was rewarded with commission. You had to genuinely sell to a new client and apend a unique code as reseller. It was good money if you resold well. But it could be abused. The programme was run by Daniel Mohacek. I had no involvement directly.

A sales lady called Nikki was employed and managed by John and Chris. Unbeknown to me Nikki contacted existing advertisers en mass and attached the code, so ensuring Doc Net as it was were paid a lot, a lot of commission.

As you can imagine the commission hit the roof and questions were asked. The sh*t hit the fan.

I was summoned by management to London and questioned over this with the suspicion I was involved and was possibly on the take. After a strong and unpleasant rearguard action on my part I was absolved. But I was told in no uncertain terms to vacate the space I rented from Doc Net (Venditan.) There was still suspicion after this from London.

Learnings

Chris has made his money and good for him. No contact I think needs no answer, but I came close to almost losing my job over what happened.

John, now MD of Venditan served his time and worked well with Chris. He’s done well. He was in charge of Nikki.

The good people in business will always be there no matter what. But business like politics is a fickle thing, especially if you are also struggling with addiction, and if of no further use to some business people, then you are a persona non grata to them. Despite past loyalty. And that is how it feels. I’ve not mentioned morality and one can argue that what is past has no bearing on the now. Which I understand. How can one dine on the past when the current course being served is the present?

But I’m old fashioned and value loyalty, politeness etc. Sadly some others don’t…

Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life

Napoleon Hill

You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal

Elizabeth Taylor

Loyalty

noun

  1. the quality of being loyal.

Over 10 years after I Spy Search Marketing - A tale of the Emperor's New Clothes

I think back to 2008 and I Spy Marketing. Quite a while back, yet necessary to understand where I am now.

The CEO surrounded by his Sycophants

I have been reminiscing as of late and mulled over the time of 2008 to 2010 with this search advertising agency start up. Prior to I Spy Search Marketing I was with Yahoo! UK & Ireland. In 2007 I had been off with clinical depression and it was then that my OCD was diagnosed.

I was not in a great place career wise. I had opened up a Manchester office for Overture (Goto.com) the business that invented to Pay Per Click model that was to subsequently power Google and others ad revenue models. Overture was bought by Yahoo! and I moved over. Having set all up from scratch, then being ill, I returned to the London office to discover my having to start afresh four years of hard graft. Why?

I came back after illness in 2007 having worked so hard to set up, what was to become an established presence for Yahoo! UK and Ireland in Manchester. On heading to the London office I discovered things had changed. I had a very unfortunate meeting with Warren Burke, then a Director at Yahoo! on the Display side. It became apparent that I was to shift from the Search side to Display - I was in a commercial/sales role. The same was to apply to ex-Overture staff who like me had rebranded to Yahoo! Search Marketing. The Display staff wanted ownership of all. So, Warren Burke threw all I had achieved outside of London out of the window making no recognition of work done, and in a one to one revealed himself to be one of the most vacuous, self-fulfilling, morally bankrupt individuals I ever met in Yahoo! I have heard nothing but badness as to this fellow and his treatment of co-workers. He has sadly survived at Yahoo!.

So what exactly happened? Steve Beckwith on the Display side and one of Warren’s lower Lieutenants had used the setting up of the Manchester office to get back up North where he hails from. In a previous life Steve had worked for me at Carlton TV.

Steve Beckwith was positioned to take on the Yahoo! Manchester office with my having to work for him. Very simply Warren Burke and a chap called Phil Macaulley (Steve’s direct boss) engineered a Manchester fait accompli.

Steve Beckwith at the time proved to be one of the most petulant, un-professional individuals I had to work with, managing to annoy a wide variety of people in the Manchester business which I suspect led to the eventual demise of the office.

As mentioned and very much involved was the appalling Phil Macauley who as Steve’s line manager sanctioned all, possessing absolutely no people skills or empathy; well he certainly did not then.

Basically it was the Yahoo! lot looking after themselves and fucking over the Overture lot. In hindsight I laugh at the Yahoo! staff who for the most part were cerebrally challenged, made mistakes galore and ruined a lot of business, Overture and Flickr included.

Anyway by 2008 I’d had enough of Yahoo! and by this point was contacted by Nick Jones to join a search start up advertising business - I Spy Search Marketing. I’d worked with Nick in Yahoo! who left to join this start up created by Chris Whitelaw.

It was an up and coming agency in the search field. Eventually to be bought by Dentsu. At the start all was good, albeit bumpy to say the least with any digital start up.

In such businesses there are personalities and I was one. Heady, proactive, reactive and the rest. So a lot can be forgiven and not-forgiven.

Suffice to say I opened the Manchester office successfully, hired staff and brought clients in. With the title of General Manager I did all I was asked of and tasked with.

Roll forward to when Jim Brigden joins. He became CEO, effectively taking charge over and above Nick Jones and Chris Whitelaw. And that is when things started to go wrong. For me certainly and now after a few years have passed I now realise for a lot of people.

In a Nutshell

The Manchester office in my opinion was successful. Where it went wrong I now realise were unrealistic targets set by Jim Bridgen, bad decision making, and poor delivery. There was a ridiculous revenue target set for new business for the Manchester office that only resulted in friction between Daryl Warner (who headed up sales) and myself, whilst Manchester had to manage sizeable clients like the Co-operative, and received dire service across SEO and other from London.

During my tenure Scotland gained a footprint in the form of John Brodie. See footnote.

Jim’s sole aim was to drive the business hard; which was detrimental to staff and package it up for sale. A sale that benefited approximately 6 people. Repeating previous business activity from following Nick Hynes career.

There were poor decisions and shoddy treatment. For example, Manchester made connection with Fragrance Direct, a leading online fragrance seller. Numbers crunched out of London and managed by Jim as to predicted results had to be submitted at least three times. We did not obtain the business with it going to McCann Manchester. This to the consternation of myself, James Smith, and my client contact Jenny Sullivan (McKenna). We then lost due to poor and re-submitted forecasting Talk Talk Business much to Manchester’s embarrassment and the client contact, Ade Allenby.

In the God awful period of professionally tidying up and handing over and still working I’d got us into pitch for Daisy Telecommunications with an old contact called Jo Green. I watched as Jim presented, me no longer needed, sat there a persona non grata wanting to say something. Jo late summed up Jim’s presentation and pitch: lacklustre and poor. Where she asked was the digital heavy hitter? As I write years later I think of the children’s story of the Emperor’s New Clothes.

James Smith was the first employee, rough around the edges but technically brilliant, and after training excelled, and now after a few years leads SEO at Dentsu. His girlfriend at the time was in Manchester with him but hailed from London and returned for studying. James followed. It was irrelevant his moving from the Manchester to London office as he was providing the same technical service. At the time of a yearly bonus Jim Brigden decided to withhold bonus from James he was clearly entitled to, arguing that he had only moved down to exploit the London office where he could then move on to a new role. I to my utter shame as his previous line manager and who hired him said nothing in cowardly fashion. This summed up Jim’s paranoia and morally questionable decisions.

Dentsu ultimately bought a poor business in the heady height of purchasing with key people benefiting and the staff not, but I had seen this before with Overture. Monetary promises on sale not delivered upon. Dentsu wanted the clients that I Spy had. The business as such?

People were afraid of Jim as he would oft quote what he had achieved and done. And demonstrate temper. Now with some years under my belt I am shocked as what went on in I Spy Search Marketing. For example people were defended on grounds of friendship. Nick Jone’s erratic and substance fuelled behaviour was not dealt with immediately by Jim or Chris Whitelaw, and I have found anecdotally this caused much distress to people.

By now Manchester struggled under crazy sales targets (myself) whilst expected to run the office and maintain clients. Any cross-selling I did (lots with the co-operative) was discounted. My clients, such as Kara Lucas et al. were horrified. I crumbled and unfairly received the blame for a poorly run London centric offering that kept dropping the ball at service provision; for example due to poor SEO/SMO servicing from London Manchester lost Envirofone and led me to have a very painful conversation with Julie Snape, the client, who I keep in touch with.

It all came to a head with Jim screaming at me down the phone during a regular conference call that we had, with other people listening in. Un-professional and not so much as an apology to date. All over a suggestion I made. I was now being blamed for all and sundry and as far as Jim was concerned my cards were marked.

A meeting was arranged in Leeds at the Queens Hotel at the train station with Jim coming up from London. At the time, I asked Chris Speed, director heading up performance marketing and minor shareholder, what this was about? He lied through his teeth and I later learnt Jim had convened a meeting to get rid of me. Chris Speed I realised was spineless doing as told.

So, Jim comes up to convene the most unprofessional, disorganised HR meeting. Was I fired, was I not, what were the grounds? No warning, no nothing from the company. He mentioned Compromise Agreement and clearly did not have a clue. By now I was worn out and stressed and had certainly had enough. I was happy to go. Jim came back to me saying I’d leave at the end of 2010 and be paid October, November, December of that year and did not need to work. In hindsight part of me wishes I’d gone to a Tribunal for Constructive Dismissal and shown him for what he is. I did not and that’s history.

But it was not over for staff. For example David Tutin had wages withdrawn on leaving on the spurious basis he was holding onto a company laptop. Absolutely awful behaviour to staff who worked so hard.

Learnings?

I learnt from Jim how not to manage people, and to instead treat them as human beings, be humble not arrogant, see the best in people, and not to throw people under a bus when things go wrong. Look after people with love and care, after all people make what is the advertising industry. And constantly dining out on past glories is no more (in Northern parlance) than polishing a turd.

I am so so so glad I am none of those shareholder/Directors - Chris Whitelaw, Chris Speed, Nick Jones, Jim Bridgen. I can sleep at night knowing I’m a good person and tried my best. I’ve never really really screwed anyone over despite being in the advertising trade and having worked in London. I did bad stuff. I admit that. But I never ruined people all in the cause of personal arrogance and financial gain.

Could I have done better?

Yes and yes and yes. I was still young, head up my bottom, full of personal defects and certainly should have stood my ground toward Jim, and others. I kept quiet, turned a blind eye, and was cowardly. I have to live with that. I still do. I could have done a better job as General Manager Manchester and made many mistakes.

The ultimate sale of I Spy Search Marketing

People taking risk and working hard deserve reward. People all over the show, bullying, paranoid, off their tits on substances, being cruel, taking the money from a business sale and not properly rewarding hard working naive staff should not.

Footnote

John Brodie: I tried to hold my head high at the end and maintained a professional approach. I organised a speaking event in Manchester, when anyone else would have stuck two fingers up. After the successful event we had dinner in the Malmaison Manchester. John was incredibly rude in a traumatic time for me. My path crossed with John on LinkedIn last year and I raised this with him. He apologised and then blocked me on LinkedIn. I am fine about it all. Looking back I see someone so, so desperate to not have anything so much as affect his personal brand.

Alastair Candale: At the speaking event as we packed up, I aired how management had behaved. Alastair, and Kate the office manager was there, kindly passed this back to Nick Jones in a disjoined fashion leading to more poor behaviour and threats coming my way.

Getting there…. But where is getting there?

Getting there was a trot on Thursday to Wild Bank above Stalybridge. The start of getting fit and getting prepared for the Saunders Mountain Marathon in July.

It was a good run. I tried new paths, had a couple of nice phone calls, bumped into a friend called Lee on the canal towpath, and spent time musing. And this musing was good, good for me anyway. More on that to come.

Wild Bank is an oft run hill (Pike in local parlance) that sits above Stalybridge and acts an outpost of the wider Moors, sitting between the Manchester conurbation and Saddleworth Moorland. It is a great place for running, cycling, horse riding, and plain old walking. And for the drinky poo brigade, there are plenty of drop off points for this, Hadfield, Padfield, Glossop to name but a few.

Here’s some photos of the run to give you an idea of how easy it is to run from Dukinfield, or for that matter anywhere with access along the Ashton/Huddersfield/Peak Forest Canals into this moorland.

In terms of the route for the aficionados, here is the OS plot overlaid on a 1.25k map.

Easy does it is said in the Fellowships, such as AA. And I am doing it easy, one moment and one day at a time, and this in no way stops one from dreaming or planning for dreams; got fed up with “goals” a long time ago, finding it a corporate BS phrase and bearing no reflection on growing as a person versus growing someone else’s business and dream. I now have a pleasant feeling of fuck em’ without malice aforethought. I find as I type and found myself as I ran in a stage of calm and peacefulness. One that I have as I sit on a train up to Glasgow to change for a train to Oban, then ferry to Mull.

So musings.

I recall as I type the next bit of this missive a book I love, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, which tells of the journey the quirky and fascinating Japanese writer Haruki Murakami has been on with his running and writing.

When I ran it was the first solo fell run or trail run I had done in a long time. A long time. My finally falling over in style from May last year with my alcohol addiction, getting into (under pressure from loving others) Vernon House run by the wonderful ANEW, has culminated in a wonderful albeit painful journey of self. The alcoholism driven by chronic “Pure” OCD and childhood trauma led to some absolute pits and awful, truly awful behaviour that hurt and worried a lot of people. As part of recovery you have to take ownership of what you do. You cannot blame the booze for example, irrespective of what occurs since it is you who chooses, it was I who chose to pick up. My chaotic behaviour, a lot hidden but seen by my poor wonderful Claire, caused great hurt and pain. I live with this each day for anyone interested. I also live with the pitiful public exhibition of what went on - lashing out at people who did not deserve it, horrid Facebook and WhatsApp posts. Across to pestering and bothering people with my drunken antics. Blah, Blah, Blah. Awful, absolutely bloody awful.

There has been a lot of pain, and I muse over this now on a train, but back to the run!

During the run and oddly when exercising there have been deep emotional pits of resentment of people who I felt abandoned me. But with this has come understanding, a peace. I shall explain.

No one really wants to be in addiction. Fact. It is an awful place where you disappear and others themselves disappear as they lose you, so losing something that is a part of their very being - we are all intertwined. All addicts use substances to hide and deal with trauma. Fact. The drinking, the drugs, whatever, is simply the output as the person struggles to come to terms with living life. And you can also see this in acceptable addictions; take exercise, shopping, work, earning money.

No one willing chooses addiction, and this is the pain for addicts when judged by others who have no clue, live in their own lives, and don’t realise how devoid of empathy they are; in washing their hands of addicts they knowingly/unknowingly cause untold shame, hurt, grief. By the way this does not mean they are bad people per se. Just poorly people in their own way.

Addicts are not bad people and I have seen this now first hand. They are people who are poorly, in the grip of substance abuse that controls them physiologically and psychologically. They are not wilful people. When they cross the line into addiction (where is the line?) they become different people. I paraphrase. All I can suggest you do is read a couple of books. Try Chasing the Scream and In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts.

However, as part of recovery you look into yourself and take ownership, and make apology for what you have done. You strive to be a better person in life, giving as was given to you. You learn that all of us have behaviours and are flawed and you try not to judge.

My recovery was certainly set back in no uncertain terms by my behaviour. Yet we operate in a society of people who we interface with on a regular basis. There’s the rub. I was loved, cared, and picked up by people when in addiction, when acting out, when behaving awfully. But they did not judge once. They saw me beneath the pain, or saw a stranger but a human in suffering. These are too many to name, who all rose to the occasion in my suffering and the suffering I caused.

What has been happening when getting back into things is deep emotional pain and resentment at how I (and Claire) were treated by people we thought friends, and a running club we made our life. This anger has been constantly popping out, often when exercising which for the most part has been cycling, and I assume such activity brings it out. But I’d also let myself go on the physical side with my forming a mental monster of going out fell running. I made it out this week with Paul who understands that worthless thinking addicts have, and the guilt and of how people can play and utilise this. Then I made it out solo on Thursday to re-visit Wild Bank.

The anger came out, but I now find myself at peace. Let me explain.

When you fuck up as an addict it is so, so tough what with the shame and self hate. You get worse. And there are outside factors, including people, especially people. I learnt we all have two types of people. Those who love you, or see the good in people no matter what. But I want to focus on those that judge you, cause the hurt and anger and sit back gossiping and being judgemental whilst not examining their self as you do. These are the people who parade themselves as being nice but are in fact useless and run a mile from someone breaking down, and addiction is a crushing breakdown.

As said my pain and hurt came out in exercise and finally came out in these two runs, especially the solo one this week. I had time to be alone and time to finally Let Go Let God as is said in AA. Not religious God, for that does not exist in AA, but the sheer spirituality of being comfortable with self and letting go of resentment into the Universe or whatever tickles you. And for others I think it natural to go through this process when you work a programme to be a better person. I can talk about it now.

People.

When Claire and I lived in Mossley in Tameside we had, well we thought we had a wonderful life. Sadly I fell into addiction, something that was always going to happen. We had friends, people I had got to know via Claire. These people had come from and were and are part of a running club. Nice people we thought, well I did. In hindsight I am glad these relationships no longer exist with no ill will felt toward people. When the shit hit the fan and I caused chaos these people both supported Claire, ostracised me, and then went on to do their own thing. Anger has now turned to sadness and awareness. I should not call them out but want to more from sharing experience for others.

You soon realise who your friends are in a crisis. And that applies in any situation. But have a thought. And this is turning point for me. People deal differently with crisis, and when it comes to the stigma of addiction a lot run a mile and judge. It’s normal and this happened with me. Basically because they don’t understand it all and assume you are a nasty person, and don’t get me wrong you are when acting out, and they can’t (or won’t) distinguish out of character behaviour. This next bit hurts. They also choose to wash their hands and walk away. It’s easier. I get it. And they’ve been hurt.

In hindsight I am glad I don’t have such people in my life. A “true” person to me is someone who asks what’s wrong, how can I help? Let me hold you physically, mentally, spiritually. Whether to a friend or stranger. They have no ego. Yet they also pull you up on your terrible condition and behaviour; they flinch not from this. That is friendship and love.

They don’t piss off, slag you off, only concern themselves with their own lives. Is this giving? Is this care? The mind numbing hypocrisy of it all is their thinking they are humble, giving people. Living chaste lives. I suspect they focus on others as they won’t address their own behaviours. I think if they did they would be horrified at how they’ve behaved; people who hurt others to feel better and have no concept of others. They lack empathy and it’s so sad. Though we are all capable of this. I was.

Be honest, wear your heart on your sleeve. Be truthful, transparent, trusting. That is true humanity.

In addiction, recovery, or where you attempt change you will be the subject of gossip. For example one person in the group of former friends took it upon herself I suspect to gossip, which caused untold damage to my recovery. Why gossip? It makes people feel better who are not well in themselves, justifies their action, and the list goes on.

People you’ll discover and closely see when working a Programme to better yourself, can be very unauthentic and dress themselves up in “being nice” l, when in fact getting outside of a comfort zone to help, care for, love for is just too much for them.

I now understand that I have, by evolution, luckily jettisoned or been jettisoned from being part of a clique; something I did not realise. People who were and I suspect are only interested in their own well being; and honestly are people who would not piss on you if you were on fire.

But don’t you forget to look for the colours that delight us in life, and not always the dark. Too often we can read life as black or white, people included, and forget to see the myriad of colours, like behaviours that make us up. As has been said by someone else, there is a bit of bad in the best of us, and a bit of good in the worse of us. People are flawed and it is okay that they hurt us. It’s how we react.

What one learns.

Don’t judge, even if you want to or are maybe justified, even despite my own judgement which is work in progress. You ain’t going to change them. And life is too short.

Look at your gratitude list, of what you have.

Claire and I have a life in Mull ahead of us rich in the people who stuck with us, and who we’ve met.

And people this is what counts. You ultimately have yourself and those that stick with you and those you meet.

Try and see life as a train journey. During your journey people get on and off the train and that’s okay.

There will be joy, there will be sadness, there will be anger, there will be hate. But that’s okay. It’s normal. You also need to realise who your real friends are or more precisely surround yourself with people who have true love for others despite what the others have done.

Let go of people who do you no good.

Be concerned with your side of the street and it being kept clean. Leave them to theirs.

I let down many people but came to realise I’m a good honest person but had poor behaviours. Do the same, don’t let others ruin, shame, gossip, hurt you. You know who you are. It’s your interpretation on things not others. If they are so poor as to not see beyond poor or poorly behaviours then they are in fact poor in themselves and poorly.

Monday's are not BLUE, Self-concept, and Ducks.

Monday’s are NOT blue. They are fun, like any other day. And why are they fun? It depends on how we view life and see people, places, and things. Do we take the universe view of ultimate simplicity, or Mankind’s over-complication over stuff that does not really matter?

Claire has been out for a run from Dervaig on the Isle of Mull and sent me a rather amusing image, which sums up island life. It made me laugh at the simplicity of life and of how not to take things too seriously.

And I use to take things way too seriously, was materialistic; note the connection between the two. In letting go of it all and surrendering to life I found something I had for so long been looking for, and that was a greater connection with life, in fact the Universe and all it comprises. Not the connection to objects, nor the gaining of them which seems to be life’s sole raison d’etre these days. A sigh leaves me. There is so much to see, so much to cherish in life and nature, the Universe; and we can so easily lose this in life’s travails or what we feel we should be doing as dictated to by society, or in my opinion the Jekyll and Hyde in us when it comes to Social Media and the ever prevalent technology.

The above photo sums up the beauty of nature and of how it can remind us of the Universe’s beauty because of its sheer simplicity. Something we delight in. As though we’ve had something triggered in us that makes our feel alive, and part of something. It may be a tree on a hill, drystone walls, a green field with yellow flowers rolling up to the crest of the hill. Yet this catches our attention, and makes us stop to photograph this image within the White Peak between Dove Dale and the Manifold River. In its simplicity we see and feel a connection with living things, and this I believe rekindles and reinforces our connection to life and people. It is how I feel. And connection is important. Simplicity and Self within this context overpowers a lack of connection, the battle against others and life, the Universe. We shift from Self-isolation and a complex life to Self-connection and valuing the simplicity of Self and living.

A road down to the Manifold and Hamps River junction, part of the route I took on a recent walk. And spent time in retrospection. And my life is a journey of retrospection but not of regrets, now one of learning, and of passing that on. No time for being maudlin especially on such a good walk. Where am I going and where can I actually take myself should I choose?

It is a journey of Self (concept).

Wikipedia definition of self-concept

In the psychology of self, one's self-concept (also called self-construction, self-identity, self-perspective or self-structure) is a collection of beliefs about oneself.[1][2] Generally, self-concept embodies the answer to the question "Who am I?".[3]

Simplicity

But let us not forget the simplicity of the Universe and of not over-complicating it. We people can over-complicate and over think. It is just about being yourself and when asking who am I, be aware that you simply are and don’t need to think about it/that, and but take pleasure in being part of something, being connected to all that lives, sentient or not.

There is a lot for keeping it simple. That is how I approach it all, and this takes me full circle back to shunning materialism and the complexity of social mores or requirements. Of being like the tree on the hill, or the yellow flower in a field - free, simple, living. They form part of the whole and no part of Mankind’s Societal Universe, which sits alone from the whole.

Yet let us not forget humour in our being ourselves. If we look like a duck, walk like a duck, quack like a duck, then we are a duck. We are who we are. We are our own duck (or probably Calvin…)

Ducky on a Sunday

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. And yep, it looks like a dreary Sunday at the tail end of April in Dukinfield, Tameside.

I had a lie in as was tired, and am still tired, and am also nursing a war wound from a bike incident on Friday. Claire is out and about on Mull making a recce of the June 2nd Mull Sportive route.

So one of us is in Ducky Dukinfield, the other Tobermory, Isle of Mull.

Note the subtle difference between the two photographs. You’ll see that I win hands down in Tameside (with eyes closed, fingers in ears, and a lot of imagination.)

I do though want to get out an not be trapped indoors, but I must listen to myself and I am tired. I think I will put some Insight Timer meditative music on and take 40 winks.

('Forty Winks' is an English expression meaning a short nap or snooze. It is a gentle indulgence, something rather spoiling, and if you haven't tried it before, something we would highly recommend. The phrase can be traced back to Dr Kitchiner's 1821 self-help guide, 'The Art of Invigorating and Prolonging Life'.)

Speaking of taking an invigorating and prolonged life I do intend getting out on the bike for a canal ride, or at the very least cycling later on to Christ Church in Ashton for a meeting. I shall see how it all pans out. Nowadays I am very much in the moment person. If it happens great, if it does not then great.

For me a gentle spiritual life appeals. And being happy, not to mention not serving others needs or expectations. It is about being peaceful with what happens outside and inside, and by inside I mean my thoughts. A time to rest physically and mentally. And it has ben a busy week.

Jealous, but not really....

I am jealous, but not really. In fact excited. So what’s this all about a cow (coo in Scotland.)

A coo.

The Wifey, She who must be Obeyed, The Boss, Teach, Run for the Hills, Mrs Cobley, Mrs C, Yeah Baby, and a variety of other names went out for a walk last night after school. Above Tobermory is a track into the countryside where there is a radio mast. She drove up there, parked, and walked, and what photos she sent, what photos.

I was jealous because I was not there with Claire, who I miss a lot, whilst bathed in miserable weather in Dukinfield, and suffering from this infernal cold and cough. But after a great sleep having taken a Lemsip I feel more sprightly this morning and have not hacked a cough out and fingers crossed. So jealously pivoted to excitement at knowing that my new home is not that far away.

This last photo really sums up living on Mull and Claire must have been very near Ardmore Bay to the north of Tobermory looking across the sea to Ardnamurchan Peninsular on the mainland. Just stunning, with plenty of hills (Munros) to explore.

Today is a mixed one with two hours volunteering over lunchtime with OCD Action as I help facilitate a general OCD support group. Then after that I’m working on myself with some CBT for my own OCD via Silvercloud, and will soon also receive some one to one sessions via Oldham Talking Therapies, for which I am grateful. And I am certainly grateful for the NHS and always have been for what it does and continues to do. So it is with sadness that I see it creak and groan to the extent that it does with such damage riven through it by the failed private policies of the Conservatives. I am not saying Labour will have the solutions, but we can only hope.

And I will be one of the lucky ones who has been able to pay for private health needs, has received work medical insurance, and benefited from NHS services. And will receive just as much and more in a more sparsely populated area and probably better funded service in Argyll and Bute.

Me, myself, and my cold - Thursday 14th March 2024

Morning all, coughing and spluttering away with the Mother of a cold that has had a death grip on me since Monday.. Just gone 5am in the morning in Tameside and cannot sleep, so on the laptop. One of the guys I share with, Damon, is up as well so there is man/male conversation.

I am now at the Doctor’s in Mossley for a check up or as Michael put it a MOT - he’s a friend I bumped into travelling here. Quiet, not me mind you as I’ve just sat down and started coughing again.

Today I have a call with Mike Pegg (http://linkedin.com/in/mikepegg1) who I’ve not spoken to in a while, followed by Adrian Lomas (http://linkedin.com/in/adrianlomas). Again not spoken to him in a while. Two old contacts. The former a Guru as to people and building businesses, the later a die hard never give up businessman. Be nice to chat after what has been a while. I will though seek to have a nap between the Doc’s and the calls, but am loathe to do so as it can bugger up the sleep routine which is all over the show at the moment.

It’s not long until Claire’s Easter holidays from Tobermory High School, and can’t wait to see her. She heads down for April and then two weeks on the Isle of Mull.

The view from the rented house in Tobermory over the bay is stunning and having seen the house know it also has a large garden to enjoy for when the weather improves.

It is a little strange being in Mossley now that we’ve sold the house and no longer live here. I have attachments to the place, will have, but also now have closure, and feel it is time to move on. Some friendships will follow, some won’t and that is the nature of life.

But a great adventure awaits.

I’ve sadly had to put my restart to exercise on hold due to this cold but it does allow me to get other stuff done, and I have a variety of things to complete. This includes catching up with people I’ve not seen in a while, and easing myself into work after time off.

I may not feel it at the moment but I’m excited about the prospect of sea swimming with Claire on Mull. Mild climate even at this time of the year as the Inner Hebrides are touched by the Gulf Stream.

But I am not fully up in Mull until July/August as I have stuff to wrap up here in Tameside and my home town of Macclesfield.

It will be nice to have visitors to Mull, and Claire has already had some in the form of Paul and Lisa Hudson this week. Though I feel for Paul and Lisa as they’ve relied on buses with no car on the island and everywhere’s closed! That said they caught up last night and had fun.

Lego at 52 years of age, and I am not ashamed.

So it is with delight I write this post about Lego whilst watching Rio Lobo on the TV in a nice warm house whilst the cold and the wind swirls outside in Dukinfield. (And I think I may have caught a cold.)

I’ve been busy with making the lounge of my temporary accommodation Cobley friendly, and I think I have succeeded to a great extent, with room for improvement. Ho hum. I find Lego building has delighted and soothed me, and my housemates I honestly believe have felt the same.

I am enjoying my time in Dukinfield with ANEW and focusing on my recovery with over 7 months under my belt presently. But I keep it a day at a time and such a simple approach and listening to what I am told has and does make a difference; only took me over 12 years to the despair of myself and others.

Monday sees me work and study to a Level 2 qualification for counselling, and something I wish to follow, whilst running my beloved business found us. I finish the study first week of April and want to get myself onto Level 3 for the September intake, and suspect it will be with learndirect.

The challenge being for Level 3, hence learndirect, being that I will be in Mull by July/August. Claire and I had always wanted to live in Scotland, in the Highlands, not too remote mind you. So she decided to go for and get a role as Biology Teacher at Tobermory High School. Sheesh. There is remote Scotland, and there is a Hebridean island… She started teaching January and is living in rented accommodation with our ultimately buying a property.

I’ve been to Mull and must admit I am looking forward to it despite trepidation as it is a wonderful place and lifestyle in which to live and embrace.

Oh and the Lego is coming with me.

Books to read on a dark and cold January 2024

If you are looking to hibernate this morning under the duvet, why not consider a list of books I put together on my found us business website. I view it as a sister site to be honest and it’s not really a formal or boring business website. Anyway have a gander at some very interesting books.

The first of the nine book, and a good read.

Why do I read? Because I enjoy it. Because I learn. Because I can choose what I read. Is that not beautiful?

The books I list really helped me with goals and planning and addiction to technology, which had become a big problem. They also helped me to examine myself and question my motives behind my usage of social media and letting people know what I was up to. Ever had that moment an hour later after a social media maelstrom where you wonder what you are doing and where has an hour of your life gone?

There is a lot of self discovery in reading these books.

Some books I’ve read, I wish to share.

Back from a day at grown up school

I am back from grown up school on my counselling and peer mentoring course, delivered by the wonderful Wes and Karen of Acorn. And what was it like? I was certainly wondering what to expect, but not in the realms of Calvin… With learning I am open minded.

Firstly the venue for the course was not blown up, nor did it spontaneously combust. Nor was I looking for that to happen. In fact I was fortunate enough to enjoy excellent teaching to a group of 10 people including myself.

Wes has taught me before and I like his approachable style, and he certainly delivered as he presented the material today in an interactive, engaging, and educational manner. I learnt a lot from it, bearing in mind I am an old dog at 52 years old. And apart from one other was with a bunch of sharp youngsters.

Karen, whilst not delivering the presentation, worked well with Wes and played a crucial part in today’s training.

I learnt about UPR (unconditional positive regard), Motivational Interviewing, and of creating a paradigm shift in a recipient. Modern people centric approach versus old school. Really, really interesting, and more to follow.

It was a nice change for what can be one’s pre-ordained view of professional training that has been formed from past years. And see below for what I mean through the eyes of Calvin! Thanks Wes for not fulfilling old and tired views of tuition!

A rather enthusiastic Peter is off for training today.

I am off with a packed lunch, like a newly polished school boy.

So what am I learning?

I am off on a combined learning course that lasts 12 weeks and finishes in April. Looking forward to it as it provides me with a Counselling qualification (Levels 2/3) plus peer mentoring, and kindly funded by Tameside Metropolitan BC. Back on personal learning again after what has been quite a while and I’m being trained and studying instead of the other way round.

The qualification is to me both personal growth and practical. I can use what I will learn when volunteering at CGL and OCD Action, the two charities I help. And my mentoring at Lancaster University Management School. And lastly in my people led business found us.

I shall keep you posted after today’s session! It is provided by Calico.

Castlefield Gallery - a late appearance for myself

Resonance and Remnants (2023) - Omid Asadi

I am a bit remiss in having passed this gem of a gallery that has been sat adjacent to Deansgate train station for 40 years. Thankfully I visited the gallery with friends for a private viewing and brainstorming session, Monday 11th December 2023. What a wonderful thing it is!

Omid Asadi’s work did make me think indeed. In Iran dandelion seeds landing on you are viewed as signifying a message that is yet to come, so a dream in one sense. If you look closely enough, or view the exhibition you’ll see that the floor is blanketed by dandelion seeds, thousands of them all signifying dreams, a floor of dreams yet to come or already in existence. Surrounding and puncturing the dreams are memories; an old wall, a telephone, a paraffin heater in this case, surrounded by the words of an Iranian poet killed by the regime emanating from an old Sharp cassette player.

These are Asadi’s dreams and memories from his past. All in juxtaposition. And I found resonance with this. I dream, we all dream, and we all have memories which are dreams. Dreams of the past. And it is a stimulating thing to think of myself dreaming of the past, of maybes and things yet to come and that may never come, whilst living in the here and now.

The exhibition made me think of a much simpler youth, of my past, especially the old style telephone, as did the surrounding and derelict building. And I dream all the time of the past and maybes which the dandelions signify. So for me it was both poignant and reminded me that I whilst I live and connect in the present, which is the concrete, dreams are am ever present part of my present. So the term, one day at a time, or one moment at a time is a much wider and unconstrained concept.

The sister exhibit contains storage boxes both old and new collected from various sources all stacked and ready to be opened. I myself think this a statement of people’s unopened dreams stacked away for use, sometimes never opened.

About Castlefield Gallery

“We are a contemporary art gallery and artist development organisation. Established in 1984, we’ve led the way in artist development for almost 40 years. We provide creative and career development, exhibition opportunities and commissions for artists and independents. We work from our galleries in Manchester, off-site, online and in the public realm. We create long-lasting impacts in our city region, North West and beyond. Our national and international activities focus on artist exchange. Castlefield Gallery’s public and participation programmes provoke new ways of thinking, bringing together artists, creatives, communities and audiences to explore the art and issues of our time. We believe when artists and communities come together they can help shape a better world.”

https://www.castlefieldgallery.co.uk/about/


Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday - Dale Carnegie

I thought I’d write a blog post revolving around “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” written by Dale Carnegie.

I have known about Dale Carnegie and his writings for many years. He, I suppose, was the first self help Guru drawing on his experiences, and I would strongly suggest listening or reading the book I focus on. This is a man who met the likes of Laurence of Arabia across to Rockefeller.

He died in 1955 but I honestly think that this book is a vital read for learning not to worry and living in the moment. His life spanned the turn of the century, the rise of capitalism, and the rise of great men who have somewhat disappeared from popular vernacular.

What is important…

That Carnegie spoke from experience and tried and tested methods in a time where there was no Social Media or as I coin it, the “Cult of the Personality.” This book I feel is a vital read for any person who works in a demanding career or for that matter is ambitious, or wants to succeed in an ethical manner, but also enjoy the simple things like a family life. The book is not full of the trite shite that we now see with a lot of “self help” specialists or posted on Social Media. That in my opinion are too easily believed and not backed up by lived experience. So get a copy and read.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

I have been listening to the Audible version of his book and this quote from the book really stuck in my mind. I suspect a number of people have read of the contemporary Eckart Tolle and his “The Power of Now” and will understand this quote and the book for that matter. In worrying about what may happen you do not live in the moment, which is your actual reality. Worrying as to what if’s is living in a false reality. Living in the now and actioning the now is how one should live, and please note this does not mean you cannot dream, nor plan. Carnegie with his book and specifically quote nails it, and keep re-reading the quote until it sinks in.

I also believe Calvin’s philosophy should be observed - real time keeping it in the moment….

"Rub-a-dub-dub" - What an earth are people up to?

“Rub-a-dub-dub Three men in a tub. And who do you hink they are? The butcher, the baker, the candle stickmaker . Run 'em down. Knaves all three”

Not blogged in a while and thought I would draw upon a very old nursery rhyme that most of us will remember but not necessarily realise its context. I draw upon it as I question the behaviour of people as of late. In a world that seems to be going mad., the rhyme rings true.

Origins and meaning

“The earliest versions of this rhyme published differ significantly in their wording. Dating back to the 14th century, the original rhyme makes reference to maids in a "tub" – a fairground attraction similar to a modern peep show. The rhyme is of a type calling out otherwise respectable people for disrespectable actions, in this case, ogling naked ladies – the maids. The nonsense "Rub-a-dub-dub" develops a phonetic association of social disapprobation, analogous to "tsk-tsk," albeit of a more lascivious variety. The nursery rhyme is a form of teaching such associations in folklore: for individuals raised with such social codes, the phrase "Rub-a-dub-dub" alone could stand in for gossip or innuendo without communicating all of the details.” Wikipedia

Calling out respectable people for disrespectable behaviour is not what I wish to do. For the most part we all posses volition and thus know right from wrong. This leads to me to bemoan the current state of affairs when I look to humanity globally and then again locally at home.

Where are we going as a race when Globally we think in nation states and argue with each other. Take Ukraine for example. What is it about?

Locally, we have a Government in power that seems to represent a certain echelon of society to the detriment of others.

The rhyme reminds us that we must cut though the image that is presented to us, the reality that is not true. At the moment we hear so many points of view in the form of Governments, Politicians and this mentality feeds down to society, and is also delivered via Media.

I suppose we need to stand up to such messaging and denounce it, and create a new narrative - I know this is possible as I work in Media. It then becomes a question of a) choosing to do this, and b) then doing it. We, I suspect, are already seeing this in some of the “anarchy” conservative society refers to. Maybe a new way that society and humanity deserves as people protest.

We cannot expect others to shower us “with meaning and happiness”. We need to join in to break the current narrative and rhetoric of those we disagree with, including organisations (“organisms” maybe) in order to make change. Einstein is rightly quoted that if you keep doing the same thing, and expect different results, then that is insanity. Are we as insane as those we refer to as being insane when we sit back, do nothing, and expect different results?

Maybe we all ought to read Beyond Good and Evil by Nietzsche? Yes, yes, yes, it is heavy going and a tad old, but it is an important text for today’s calamities.

Nietzsche challenges the traditional definition of good and bad as simplistic. It traps us into inaction. Nietzsche shows we are all human and it is how we ultimately express ourselves as output that defines who we are and our behaviour. After all there is good in the worse of us, and bad in the best of us. He challenges traditional morality and the aforementioned view of good/evil and pushes an affirmative approach to what we perceive and thus morality - we have volition. If we do not take affirmative action as an expression of our humanity, the very state of the modern individual is at risk, as is the societies we have built. And remember none of us are perfect.

Footnote:

I had not planned for this Blog entry to be a rant, and certainly don’t think it necessarily has to be interpreted in such a way. I have had a tough time in recent months, and honestly for a while even before these months. I have resurfaced so to speak, but different and learned from all I have tasted and learnt by way of experience. I think this is reflected in this Blog entry. In a way it is a statement of how I feel.


Good Search Marketing from Peter Cobley and searchup

It is November and we have two months left of Q4 and 2023. Thoughts are likely to be turning to Christmas sales, especially if eCommerce driven. What would they have been like in normal circumstances, let alone current trading conditions facing the UK and global economy; what with declining consumer confidence?

Such challenges can be exacerbated for the smaller growing business that does not have in-house resource for targeted Search Marketing, or its Digital Advertising Agency is not delivering a cost effective return on Search Marketing.

search up, the Search Marketing agency that I advise through found us, may be your solution.

  • The agency specialises in Search Marketing for smaller to medium sized businesses who cannot necessarily cover the Search Channel internally, or are not receiving return via their Advertising Agency.

  • searchup already works with, and delivers return for national eCommerce businesses.

  • The agency prides itself on its unique approach to PPC Search Marketing (also including Social Media), and importantly SEO.

  • Its approach is Data driven across Channels, but crucially works with and harnesses Client Sales Data and Management Information to achieve results.

  • I’ve seen many Search Marketing Agencies since my early days of Goto/Overture back in 2002, and decided to work with searchup based on their approach, results, ethics, and how they treat people. I was tired of “typical” Search Agencies. (I consult for searchup via my business - found us.)

  • Working with searchup we have achieved excellent Client results and have a look at searchup Case Studies

  • Don’t hesitate to get in touch for a chat, to find out more, or for advice. We are friendly, happy to help, and won’t just stick an invoice under your nose.

  • I can be contacted on peter@searchup.co.uk or 07876 684899.

    After all it's nearly Christmas and maybe you deserve that Present you’ve always wanted! - Peter Cobley

Ello, We're SearchUp

Well it is time after 8 plus years of being a solo entrepreneur to get involved with a lovely Search Marketing agency called SearchUp. As they say, “Your digital marketing is about to get a serious lift...”

I have known the wonderfully honest and funny Terry McCusker for a number of years and both of us share the same view on life; namely being honest, treat people nicely, do your best, and bring good to the world. Which is also applied to work and business.

So, a while back Terry and I spoke over SearchUp, a lovely little Search Marketing agency he is a director of. And I also met it’s original founder Craig Griffiths, who I have discovered is a Hong Kong Fooey of SEO. Terry and I are commercial, sales, account management etc. etc. etc. Hence our being older than Craig, and potentially more sarcastic. Craig is also a nice honest chap with ethics. This is why I got into business with them and more below on this.

SearchUp I discovered is very good at delivering sales results via Search for its clients, utilising technology and best practice to mirror and drive client metrics, sales and commercial needs. And all with honesty and transparency, and fun. Something that appealed to me bearing in mind how I run my consultancy, found us, and also having spent years in the cut and thrust of working in advertising and not necessarily ascribing to its darker side. Lastly, I originally come from a Search background, in the days of GoTo./Overture, and always enjoyed it.

So, I have decided to work with the guys two days a week as a Director to help them grow and reach more clients, or realistically like minded people in symbiotic or mutually beneficial relationships. Something I’ve always tried to do, i.e. help people you admire, aspire to, or want to plain help.

I’ve liked the fact that there is so much potential within SearchUp business for personal growth, and the growth of other people and their company, whilst everyone making some money in a happy manner.

Search is the core proponent of the business, and behind it all is a skilled utilisation of data and insights, marrying client sales and commercial metrics together with Search to deliver transparent results. SearchUp has rolling monthly contracts and also works to revenue share models, such are the results it delivers to new and long retained clients.

So, get in touch if you require help with your SEARCH marketing or analytics, needing to see a return on ad spend with comprehensive tracking.



A room with a view - some musings.

Yesterday I sat here and heard the cries of fun from the children in the Primary School beneath me, whilst looking at the view over the Moors. And I mused…

Misson Control - Sort of…

Yesterday was a good day as I cycled to and from meetings, whilst also bobbing into Aldi in Stalybridge. A lovely day, and a nice way to see the world at your pace and not speeding by. Which makes me think. What is pace? Or what is the correct pace? Hmmm.

We often talk about getting the balance right in life, which is correct, but I got thinking as to pace. Are we living at the correct pace, and what do I mean by this?

I realise now that pace is important and by pace I mean at what speed are we living life? It has taken me years to realise that pace can be habitual, i.e. get up, breakfast, travel, work, lunch, chores, work, home, leisure/work, bed, etc. etc. etc. We rush into habitual behaviour, like driving a car over 30mph and miss the scenery. We have a myopic view and if slower or paced we would look out of all windows of the car and appreciate what we see, and in slowing down have time to think, observe, and let the mind flow through its stream of consciousness.

Daniel Oliver in 1840 in First Lines of Physiology: Designed for the Use of Students of Medicine, when he wrote

“If we separate from this mingled and moving stream of consciousness, our sensations and volitions, which are constantly giving it a new direction, and suffer it to pursue its own spontaneous course, it will appear, upon examination, that this, instead of being wholly fortuitous and uncertain, is determined by certain fixed laws of thought, which are collectively termed the association of ideas.”

You need to make time for your mind to flow at a slower pace (mental) and for you to set aside time for you to sit in your thoughts, or slow the pace down (physical). In doing so you allow for a stream of consciousness within your mind and via analogous conscious and unconscious reasoning make associations with thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It leads to solutions, emotional stability, and a calmness in the moment. The troubling past sweeps by, and the hypothetical future does not eat up time or cause anxiety.

Also have a read of the following, it is a wonderful book that explains how we humans are creatures of habit, and of their impact on how we live, but do not yet realise.

”Me” time, or time to yourself, to think, to meditate, to be, is what I allude to. And something I have had to learn. Sit in the moment. Doing so allows one to break a habit routine, and to examine what one does in the moment. Now back to habits.

In The Power of Habit, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Charles Duhigg researches and explores how habits grow into automatic behaviors that determine personal lives, businesses, and society. Unhealthy habits seem to difficult to break. He gives practical advice to help you understand, change, and develop good habits.

If you understand that you are existing to pre-ordained habits, you can break cycles that you operate in and free yourself to be happy, live in the moment, and achieve dreams. How hard do we find it to seemingly break out of where we are? Have you ever sat at the desk, head in hands, wondering about Groundhog Day, or is this all I have?

Today - Thursday 28th April - an approach

So it is roughly twenty past nine in the morning of Thursday 28th April, and I am finishing off this blog entry from yesterday whilst watching ending of The Power of the Dog which I watched a short while back but not finished.

Benedict Cumerbatch’s character Phil has died and it is the aftermath; atmospheric, severe, thoughtful. It engenders a stream of thought, of consciousness, as I sit here in the lounge, fire on, observing the film, where I am, letting my thoughts wander.

I think life is transient and ever changing, and do we really know what we or others think? All we have is the moment, and like the ending of the film, life is an enigma every second that we live in, as we are enigmas in our own thoughts. And like a babbling brook we should flow and happen. What will be will be, and we do not have to be slaves of habit.

Like the great space of Montana in the film where you can flee to, you can flee from the constraints of habit, or conditioned thinking as dictated by what you think you must think - influenced by upbringing, society. This allows for creativity and bucking the trend so to speak. Of reaching out and taking the moment.

Monday 18th October. Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

Well it is Monday 18th October, and it commences. What commences? Erm, life. And danger. Fight, flight, or freeze?

Danger. (With homage to Bill Watterson)

I think sometimes we can crave for security and avoid risk. Perfectly natural for humans, with quite a bit of their chimp ancestor in them struggling to survive in the jungle of life. And let us face facts, life today can be a bit of a jungle. Is it better to leg it and climb a tree than get into a scrape? And what is a scrape? A roller coaster, to a frightening presentation, to a challenging person or situation. The list is quite endless.

The standard approach of this evolved mammal is fight, flight, freeze. But I think we all know this. Well I hope so. I myself have never been much of a fighter and sit in the flight or freeze categories. Well I used to but have been lucky to have learnt a lot over the last few months which has really helped me to cope with stress, anxiety, or plain daft challenging people, or life situations, oh and the occasional animal.

I am soon to finish off The Chimp Paradox, which I have been meaning to read for a while. But never had the time and was, if honest, a bit loathe thinking it one of “those” books. But in hindsight, with 30 pages to go, it has been an informative read and quite a useful perspective on controlling one’s behaviour. Helping greatly with understanding stress, anxiety, fear, and how to cope with challenges fronted by people, places, and things.

Worth a read.

I have a strong belief when it comes to reading this type of book. I am trying to avoid the term “self-help” as I find that quite a patronising title. Your average human these days can read and write, and mostly find their way home. I think you can take what you need from what you learn and experience, and this also includes reading. We all have volition and can figure things out for the most part, aided by an internal moral compass and a few brain cells.

The premise of the book is to divide the brain into Chimp, Human, and Computer. One is the emotional primate, the other the moral and logical reasoning entity, the last the hardwired element that provides instructions for behaviour in situations.

What I learnt, well reinforced what I already know, in a nice and easy to consume fashion was that we have an emotional element to our brains that can override what makes us human, namely logic and community; being part of a community versus the self. And I can relate to this.

In a stressful situation such as running a head hunting business, living life, being married, owning a Terrier it can be hard and the Chimp in me can take control and the result negative outcomes. Mainly the fight element, or more better put as behaving like an arse with others or in situations. It manifests in selfishness, aggression, territorial dominance, across to hurting people. In real life this is me being nasty, not coping, getting stressed with people, the wife, business associates, the dog. I see myself put me first in a dominant resentful way, eyeballing fellow Chimps who I think are asserting their dominance over me. The Chimp reveals itself before the “human” can interject and assess the situation using pre-ordained and programmed logic from the “Computer” or memory, as developed by thinking and learning.

For example let us say I am dealing with a demanding candidate over a senior head hunting brief when running found us, my head hunting and consultancy business. The candidate is pestering me and not following process and interfering with my time and control of the brief. The Chimp in me becomes resentful, angry, frustrated, and this can lead to taking a chunk out of the candidate’s Chimp or worse. This does not endear itself to interpersonal relations which is key to head hunting. And it does not bode well for life in general. Do we all know two Chimps having a verbal scrap between man and wife? How we have felt afterward and the outcome? And regrets that we did not handle it better (the Human utilising the stored Computer information)?

So, how does one feed the Chimp bananas?

Really easily if you read the book, and it all makes sense. It is about keeping your internal Chimp calm and thus outsider’s Chimps calm.

The trick is to press “pause” on the Chimp behaviour thus giving enough time for the Human to take control of the brain processing of what to do next in a stressful, anxious, or challenging situation. The Human in the aforementioned example can say to themselves “pause” and “change”. Prof Peters recommends this, and guess what? It works. Two simple words. One to pause the Chimp and remind you of it and possible poor consequences. The second word to remind you that you can change how you handle this situation. A situation you undoubtable have witnessed before - someone trying to control you.

The Human can take charge and use logic to firstly understand the situation and secondly decide on a plan of action. You could for example arrange a call or Zoom with the candidate to explain the process involved for the brief and that you are acting diligently on their behalf, so calming their probably demanding Chimp. You can use prior learning from the Computer to handle the situation, knowing that getting Chimp angry will only anger their Chimp and it will more than likely go “Pete Tongue”.

Another method similar to the above is to use the 3 R’s.

Retreat - detach from the situation, take a breath, count to ten, walk around the block.

Re-Think - have a think about the situation, and don’t just observe you initial thought or behaviour. For example in the above, I might be initially inclined to view the candidate as an asshole or get angry. Letting the Human think assuages the first thought, with the second thought process asking and drawing on Computer experience; what is the best approach? And what is likely to happen if I get angry?

Respond - note the word, and not react. This is about taking calm logical morally driven action and behaviour. In my example I have explained the situation and importantly my position to the candidate. After all this is about my well being.

Have a read of the book to AVOID CHIMP CHAOS. Which we are all capable of.

Don’t be a Chimp (in public)

(With homage to Bill Watterson)

Happiness. Sunday 19th September 2021.

Not posted in a while. Variety of reasons. Today is about happiness. Today is about giggles, mischief, and fun. As personified by Roobarb and Custard. It is about being a child again, and these two characters featured in my childhood. Today is also about letting go of resentments. Because Roobarb and Custard always make up.

Well it is Sunday 19th September and I am happy, yes I am happy. And that is a good, good; well in fact a jolly good feeling after what has been a while and a number of tribulations. I hope my happiness rubs off on people, and I’ll muse below if you fancy a read. I will structure this all around animated cartoons from the years of growing up with particular HOMAGE paid to Cosgrove Hall Films.

You see cartoons can bring the child out of us, remind us of that simplicity and innocence that we hark back to, have lost, but can rediscover. It is about hanging about with pals and adventures.

It is time to go back in a time warp to easier times, when life has been hard with Brexit, Covid.

Roobard and Custard - Anarchy and Living in the Moment

These two hooligans for me sum up what being alive is all about. Anarchy and living in the Moment. So simple, yet so crucial. We should reach into the past as a reminder, but we ought not to live in the past for that is an artifice. Roobard and Custard are cartoon animals, and like animals they live in the here and now. We, mankind, can be foolish in our pursuit and analysis of what has passed and what may yet be. Through reading and meditation we can learn those skills of being in the moment. Being at peace within our story, our timeline.

Dangermouse - Friendship

When I look to Dangermouse and his endearing relationship with Penfold I smile. Through thick and thin we hear the cry of “Crumbs DM!” A now favourite phrase of mine instead of being a potty mouth and swearing.

Be rich in those friends you have, and above all cherish them for you have swift company, sound advice, and love. Do not forsake this or them.

Make friends and choose carefully. I though I’d chosen carefully, but clearly I did not. Do read further, and like myself find your peace in being proud of who you are. Dangermouse is Dangermouse, Penfold is Penfold, You are You.

Chorlton and the Wheelies - Don’t be put down or Judged

Chorlton the Dragon is the epitome of happiness. Simple, cheerful, and brings pleasure to the Wheelies. The is how I seek to be. A happy dragon who does not let the miserable and wicked Fenella the Kettle Witch get on top of him. To the un-initiated Fenella does not like people being happy.

To me, Fenella represents those individuals who fail to see the good, the happiness in life. They have lost direction. After all “… there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us…” Don’t let the Fenella’s of this world grind you down, or lead you to their way of living. Sadly such people will “crap” on you to make themselves feel better. In fact to justify what they do and how they behave.

Realise, Like Chorlton the happy Dragon, that you cannot control people, places, and things. Especially people. You focus on “keeping your side of the street clean”. Chorlton is oblivious to Fenella and happy. You concentrate on your “s**t” and let such people “keep their side of the street clean”. In doing so you obtain a freedom that is unbridled. (Have a read of The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.)

When I had a meltdown in July and August of “quality” proportions it was somewhat interesting in retrospection to see who rallied around me. Yes, I was at fault and yes erratic to put it mildly, but I have seen both the humanity and the inhumanity. What opened my eyes to crisis, personal meltdown, and self-questioning were those who were not there for me. But over time I realise that harbouring resentments only bites you in the bum. A resentment is simply a fear. But a fear of what? Of not being liked, of being alone in my case.

But I reverse engineered my thinking and understood that you only have control over yourself and not others. So focus on you, since you will not change these people and how they act. And to harbour resentments ties you to the past, when we in fact live in the moment. Face your fears (resentments) and realise you are rich in this life.

I was lost but found by real people. True friends.

Jamie and the magic Torch - Always Dream

Can you remember Jamie and his dog Wordsworth? Ever night was a dream. As adults were stifle our inner child, our happiness, because we are sucked into the system we live in. I suggest you head off for a walk and pretend to be a child exploring, looking for adventure, mischief maybe. Go somewhere different, where you have not been, go alone. Re-connect with that sense of adventure and forget the present and its challenges. In re-connecting you feel that inner happiness you once felt as a carefree child. It creates a sense of peace, of happiness, of seeing the colours in the trees, the smell of the air.

Day dream of what could be, but don’t sit in melancholy. This will inspire you and potentially break a cycle you feel trapped in. How many of us have become subservient to a system and people that teaches us “it’s way of life”? You can but choose your own life if you dream and remember what you wanted as a child.

It is never too late. I’ve learnt that.

Mr Ben - We all “wear” Personas

“All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,”

Shakespeare - As You Like It, Act 2, Scene 7

Are we like Mr Benn?

We are ourselves when with ourselves. Only we are the true person when alone. In life we become players wearing a persona and it is healthy to be aware of this. It is not wrong, it is what we do. But be aware that you may be wearing a mask, and may not need to. Be true to yourself, read below. Note the part I have placed in BOLD.

Yet here, Laertes? Aboard, aboard, for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for. There- my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,545
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar:
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous, chief in that.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all- to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!”

Polonius to Laertes, Hamlet Act 1, Scene 3.

Sometimes we have to wear a mask, for example to accommodate people, e.g. when talking to a young child. But as an adult be true to yourself and speak your mind. If someone is p*****g you off, tell them. Do not stew in this because this does not lead to happiness. Make your happiness. Choose your happiness. So as you choose your mind set your behaviour will follow, as the happy sun follows the lonely darkness. I say darkness because in not being who we are we can lose ourselves in the dark.

Suggested Reading/Bibliography

  • The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.

  • The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

  • Irresistible: Why you are addicted to technology and how to set yourself free by Adam Atler.

  • The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters.

  • The Ocean at The End of The Lane by Neil Gaiman.

  • Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig.

  • What I talk about when I talk about Running by Haruki Murakami.